Date Like A Nerd

Unlock Your Player 2!

Solo

Find Love Through Online Games

by

with Kaylee Lopez

👾 How do people find a partner who plays online video games? It often feels like you’re damned if you join a community looking for a relationship, and you’re damned if you don’t (because how else can you meet someone outside dating apps?!) 🤨

🎮 In this episode, I talk to Kaylee Lopez, an anthropologist who writes about gaming and game communities. We explore the ways you can integrate yourself into communities, unlock the gamer branch of your Social Tree, and find your Player 2. Literally! 🕹️

⌨️ Meeting gamers has its own set of challenges that are different from meeting people IRL 🖥️ On the one hand, most people don’t play video games to find their soulmate (just like with most communities). So even if you’re brave enough to approach NPCs, most people don’t want to be hit on immediately 🙅

💬 On top of that, if you do start talking to someone and hitting it off with them… you know absolutely nothing about them. And even if you did and had some interaction, whether you’d get along in person remains uncertain.

And to top it off, even if all of that does work out… they may live too far away from you! ✈️ So even if you manage to find your soulmate, they may exist all the way across the world with neither of you wanting to move 🌎

So with all of these odds against you, could it ever happen? The answer is YES.

🎧 Press Start to learn how to find your Player 2! 🧑‍💻️

❤️ FREE GUIDE: 🎮
Where (and How) to Meet Your Player 2 Organically

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About Kaylee Lopez

Kaylee is an anthropologist that writes about gaming and game communities. She’s also a certified therapeutic game master, game writer, and game editor.

Kaylee’s Links:

Related Episodes:

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:00:58 Finding Love Within Online Games
  • 00:04:56 Joining With Honesty
  • 00:07:47 IRL vs Online Chemistry
  • 00:09:56 Find Gamers In Your Area
  • 00:14:16 Expanding Your Social Tree
  • 00:18:05 Breakups Within Communities
  • 00:20:11 Contact Info

Attachment Avoidance: There is No Town

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“All people really wanted, Dorcas considered, was to be left alone.”

Diggers, by Terry Pratchett
A field with grass, a tree, sun and sky.
No Towns or Support

If throughout your life you’ve learned that the Towns won’t be available when you need them, one option is to never go too far from them. Unfortunately, this approach keeps you from leveling up and defeating the BBEG. You end up becoming an NPC. And NPCs don’t save the world.

A different, also unhealthy, approach to this dilemma is to never depend on the Towns… or anyone else. You learn to rely only on yourself so that others won’t let you down. In Attachment Theory, “avoidance represents the extent to which individuals feel comfortable with closeness and interdependence or instead prefer distance and self-reliance.” (Dynamics of Romantic Love, by Mario Mikulincer and Gail S. Goodman)

Depending On Yourself

Book cover of Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

At first glance, this would seem to be a much better option: by relying on yourself, you’ll go out and level up without unreliable others to drag you down. But that also means that you’ll have to become a jack-of-all-trades.

“Metaphorically speaking, we view people with an avoidant attachment style as lonesome travelers on the journey of life and relationships.” (Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller)

Playing Solo means you’ll have to be Tank, DPS, and Healer, all in one. And if you plan to rely on potions, think again: the only potions you’ll be able to use are the ones you loot or create yourself (if you have enough levels on that Skill). You won’t rely on the Towns or merchants, remember?

Male Character with Gun, Rapier, and eyepatch.
If you decide to play solo, you’ll have to multiclass… a lot

“Attachment-related avoidance is concerned with discomfort with closeness and with dependence on relationship partners, preference for emotional distance, and reliance on deactivating strategies.” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

Disguise Self as Secure

At least in the Western World, this idea of the independent, lone wolf is associated with mature, powerful, and secure individuals. So it’s no surprise that these attitudes would seem to come from a place of security. However, it’s just a disguise that even you may not see through.

Attachment Theory Expanded Book Cover

“Avoidant people[‘s] reluctance to rely on others encourages them to inflate their positive self-views and suppress negative information about themselves.” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

One of the ways to keep up this act is the Defensive Self-Enhancement Skill. According to Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver, here are 5 actions you can use by mastering this Skill to feel and seem more secure (ok, they don’t call it a Skill, but that’s how I’ll call it because it sounds cool and I like RPGs):

  • defensive social comparison
  • defensive self-handicapping
  • the “better than average effect”
  • the “I knew it all along” effect
  • overclaiming personal responsibility for household activities shared with a romantic partner

In reality, they are nothing but illusions. Not real Skills you can use when encountering challenges. And because you’re not relying on others who may have the Skills you do need, you’ll often find Quests that you can’t complete or fights that you can’t win. Particularly within relationships. But that’s ok. Because you may believe you can simply Disengage.

Bonus Action: Disengage

Everyone faces challenges during Quests. And when a battle seems impossible, you can either look for help or avoid it altogether. The more you think others won’t be able to help you, the more you’ll choose to forget about the XP and the loot and simply move on rather than face that challenge. Because you can’t risk getting to 0 HP. There’s nobody to resurrect you.

“Avoidant people’s disengagement from frustrating activities is a defensive maneuver aimed at preventing further damage to a fragile sense of self-worth.” (Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

But most people aren’t 100% avoidant, so you may still want to play with others. At a safe distance. Because “avoidance may generate simultaneous wishes to maintain a relationship and to control it in the interest of maintaining optimal distance. This kind of control is intended to quell fears of rejection while defensively avoiding intimacy and vulnerability.” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

Fantasy Cleric Illustration

If you play a Healer, you’re still “a member of the Party”, leveling up “with others”, and you can still stay at a safe distance from any type of harm. It also lets you take care of your own wounds without depending on others. In fact, you may not want to play this type of character to take care of everyone, but rather to have control over who lives, and who… doesn’t. Just to increase your chances of survival. And if your party falls, you can always disengage and heal your wounds. By yourself, because everyone respawned somewhere else.

No Conflict = Low XP

Unfortunately, one common problem with Healers is their lack of ability to deal with conflict. At Level 1 you can heal yourself a bit, but you won’t have many tools to face challenging situations. Avoiding facing enemies also means you’re missing out on XP, keeping you as a low-level character, which reinforces your need to stay away from the same sources of XP that would help you level up!

Book cover of Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver

In fact, people who score high on the avoidance spectrum “can dismiss the importance of a romantic partner’s feedback”, “score lower on tests of emotional intelligence”, “tend to exclude emotions from consciousness” and “exclude negative affect from awareness and [are] therefore less likely to use it in cognitive processing.” (Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

Every RPG player knows that if you want to gain Skills, sooner or later you’ll have to level up. Yes, some Skills you can buy, but… where do you get the gold from? Quests. And Quests often mean conflict. So unless you’re willing to risk conflict by getting close to others and being vulnerable, you’re unlikely to be able to beat the game. And you can’t avoid Quests forever.

The Fall

The avoidant strategy works great when you’re far from harm. Until you’re not.

“Under chronic, demanding stressful conditions, avoidant deactivating strategies seem to collapse, causing avoidant people to have even higher levels of distress than anxious people.” (Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

Imagine this: You want to go on a Quest to get some particular loot. It’s a Raid, so you can’t go solo. As a Healer, you stay at the back using your spells and Skills. But… you get surrounded by enemies on all fronts.

A plan that doesn’t always work

Your idea of ‘staying far from danger’ isn’t quite working. You look at your action bar, and you have nothing that can deal much damage. Ok. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Rather than depending on your teammates and asking them for help, you try to reach an empty area… through the swarm of enemies. Unfortunately, your defense is too low. “This is not how it was supposed to be,” you say, as you watch your HP bar reach 0 within seconds.

“Overreliance on fight-or-flight responses and neglect of attachment responses could reinforce anxieties and overreliance on facing difficulties alone, which can leave a person feeling fragile, isolated, and alienated.” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

Yes, you can use your Defensive Self-Enhancement Skill and blame your party for not doing their job. After all, your character is not built to face challenges. But at the end of the day, this illusion won’t make you stronger to face new Quests.

The truth is, you didn’t work with your team, and you didn’t ask for help. You never realized that your “defenses tend to collapse under intense or prolonged pressure” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

It’s Game Over. Unless… you learn to take on challenges, become vulnerable, and accept help from others.

Sources of security can also include communities. Join us on Discord to get support with your Quests!

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Gamify Your Dating Anxiety

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with Michael Berger

👻 Fear of rejection can ruin your dating life in multiple ways: you won’t start conversations, ask for a number, invite on a date, or show how you truly feel. Fortunately, you can get over it with gamification! 👾

Although many video games can teach you the Growth Mindset, you may not be applying it IRL… yet 💡 And that’s where gamification comes in: it can give you dopamine hits similar to video games, help you stay motivated, and give you positive reinforcement even if you don’t get the results you were hoping for 😬

In this interview, Michael Berger and I discuss how you can gamify your dating life to build new habits that will help you get over your fear of rejection (and many other Quests) 🧙‍♂️ This approach has one major advantage over the idea that you need “30 days of consistency to build a habit”: with this gamification, you don’t lose your progress if you stop. You. Don’t. Lose. XP 🎮

I also share my style of gamified coaching to help you get over your fears and anxieties with dating: It starts by recognizing what makes you anxious, giving it a Challenge Rating (CR score), deciding on the actions that you need to take, how much XP each action gives you, and then going out and grinding ⛏️ With a mix of gradual exposure and gamification, you’ll level up in no time! ⬆️

🧌 Because just like in video games, you shouldn’t start by fighting the BBEG at level 1. Tackling each challenge at the appropriate level will give your body and mind time to get used to it and recognize that it’s not the TPK you were expecting. Even if you can’t beat it on the first try.

🎧 So what’re you waiting for? Listen to this episode so you can start grinding to level up! 💪

❤️ Where to meet your Player 2 organically 🎮

200+ places and a walkthrough to help you on your Quest!

FREE DOWNLOAD

Guest’s Bio:

Michael Berger aka BergerGames has been a fixture inside the niche of gaming on Instagram for the last two years doing the very common work of a social media personality, but recently he has been adding aspects of his professional day-to-day job as a Licensed Social Worker into his content. 

Mike also trains other mental health professionals on how to have conversations about suicide, crisis de-escalation, and motivational interviewing.  Recently he’s been creating YouTube videos on the intersection of gaming and mental health, building courses teaching gamers how to take advantage of their psychology and “gamify their life.” And appearing on podcasts like this one.

Links:

Mike Berger’s Substack: https://mikebergergames.substack.com/

Socials:

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:00:26 Micael Berger’s Bio
  • 00:01:55 Video Games and Mental Health
  • 00:05:49 Growth Mindset in Video Games
  • 00:08:24 Dopamine for Habit Formation
  • 00:11:53 Gamifying your Fear of Rejection
  • 00:16:24 The Problem with 30-Day Challenges
  • 00:20:11 Exposure to Anxiety
  • 00:24:49 Facing Rejection
  • 00:28:34 Street and Gym “Approach” Examples

Attachment Insecurity: The Town is Under Threat

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“Come on. Let’s run away.”
“Where to?”
(…) “Don’t you worry about to,” he said. “In my experience that always takes care of itself.
The important word is away.”

― Rincewind in Terry Pratchett, Eric
Town illustration

When you have a Town where your character can recover their HP and buy some items, you’re free to go out and explore. But how far from it do you dare to go? And how sure are you that it will still be there when you need it?

Ideally, when we have a Quest that we can’t finish or we fear a TPK (Total Party Kill), we go back to the Town, recover our HP and get some new items, resources, or even information to help us. The act of returning to our attachment figure is part of the attachment system, which gets triggered when we find an obstacle or threat, and fear that something bad is about to happen.

Attachment in Adulthood Book Cover

“The goal of the system is to establish a sense of protection or security (called by Sroufe & Waters, “felt security”), which normally terminates the system’s activation. (…) Feeling secure, a person can devote attention to matters other than self-protection; being well cared for, [they] can appreciate the feeling of being loved and valued; in some circumstances, [they] can take risks, being confident that help is readily available.” (Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

However, our attachment figures may not always be available in the way we want. This would be the equivalent of Towns being too far away or, worse, lost to an enemy invasion.

How Far is Too Far?

So how far would you dare to explore, if you knew that you may not have a Town to return to anymore?

We all have this fear to a higher or lesser degree, depending on our past experiences. Unfortunately, if we’ve experienced this loss too many times, we can internalize the idea that we might be left to our own devices at any time without warning.

Town image with reversed colors

This is, often, an illusion that takes away our sense of security. Just like Illusion Spells, they make us focus on them while losing sight of what’s in front of us. Those with fairly accessible attachment figures may experience a simple Minor Illusion that may cause a slight distraction for a few turns. Others may fail their saves against a Fear spell. In really bad cases, some may experience Illusory Dragons that could result in real damage to yourself and others.

“Attachment-insecure people may be less able to trust others and accurately detect cues of their benevolence”, and these “negative appraisals of others seem to lead attachment-insecure people to ignore, dismiss, or forget positive instances of a partner’s responsiveness.” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

Any Strategy is Better than No Strategy

So what do we do to deal with insecurity? There are two main strategies. You may try to:

Stay close to the Town. Even better, never leave. The fear of going away and help not being readily available is too great to risk losing it. So stay in. Don’t explore. Don’t level up. Someone else can go and save the world. Also, don’t use any items or potions… (because you have to hoard ALL items in case you must face the BBEG at any time…)

Fantasy Cleric Illustration
Since there’s no safe haven, you might as well learn to heal yourself (?)

You think that if your strategy depended on going to the Town in times of need, if (or when) it’s not available, it’ll be Game Over. So you choose to rely exclusively on yourself. Go out, become strong, and never look back or depend on anything or anyone.

“Interacting with unresponsive attachment figures who fail to provide a safe haven and secure base in times of need fosters reliance on secondary attachment strategies: hyperactivation and deactivation of the attachment system. If continued over time, use of one or both of these strategies leads to the development of an insecure attachment style: anxious, avoidant, or a mixture of both (“fearful avoidant,” disorganized).” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

The Consequences of Insecurity

Not being able to use the resources in the Town, you’ll be stuck only with the items that you can loot by yourself (if any).

Attachment Theory Expanded Book Cover

“Attachment-insecure people are often unwilling or unable to seek the protection and support of [an attachment figure] in times of need.” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

Not only do “attachment insecurities seem to create many obstacles to dating success.” (Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver), they can also lead to higher stress, physical and mental health issues, relational problems, performance at work, and much more.

“Insecurely attached people harbor serious doubts about their self-worth and self-efficacy. They lean toward hopeless, helpless patterns of causal explanation; are susceptible to rejection, criticism, and disapproval; and suffer from self-criticism and destructive perfectionism.” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

What about dating?

Heart-Shaped Love Potion

“Attachment insecurities seem to create many obstacles to dating success.” (Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

Lacking attachment figures to rely on can make you seem “clingy” or “too cold” for any successful dating to happen. Not only are these two options less sexy to outsiders (“anxious and avoidant partners were both rated as less attractive than secure ones” (Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver) ), they can also increase your frustration when looking for (or trying to keep) a partner.

That anxiety when they haven’t texted you yet? Anxiety. That feeling that you can’t stand being too emotionally close to someone? Avoidance.

The Magic Pill

Male Character with Gun, Rapier, and eyepatch.
If you decide to play solo, you’ll have to multiclass… a lot

Ok. There’s no magic pill. BUT there is a solution. It is possible for insecure people (a.k.a. everyone, to a higher or lesser degree) to gain the Skill of Earned Security. And although it’s tempting to try to get it alone (Healers, I’m looking at you), it’s better and much easier to gain it with the help of others.

You can try to adopt the attitudes and patterns of a secure person, but it won’t be of much use unless you have several “islands of security”.

So here’s your next Quest: find (and rely on) some secure attachment figures that can act as your islands of security! The loot will be a happier life not only in your dating life but in all other aspects as well!

Want to know when the next blog post comes out? Subscribe to the newsletter and keep leveling up your dating life!

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Attachment Figures: Your Towns

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“There were temples, their doors wide open, filling the streets with the sounds of gongs, cymbals and, in the case of some of the more conservative fundamentalist religions, the brief screams of the victims. There were shops whose strange wares spilled out on to the pavement. There seemed to be rather a lot of friendly young ladies who couldn’t afford many clothes.”

Terry Pratchett, Mort

Towns are places where you can recover your HP, remove any negative status effects, and gather information or acquire items that will help you go back out, explore, and finish more Quests.

Drawing of a medieval town

It’s what in Attachment Theory is called an Attachment Figure. “Attachment figures are not just close, important relationship partners. They are special individuals to whom a person turns when protection and support are needed.” (Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

You may run away from a battle because most of your Party was badly hurt: You realized that you won’t defeat those enemies unless you are healed, get new skills, or buy some items. And while skills can come naturally with grinding, you can often get it all solved in a Town.

Attachment Figures can be romantic partners, parents, family members, teachers, managers, therapists, leaders, and more. In fact, Mikulincer and Shaver argue that this list can also include social groups, organizations, sociopolitical entities, supernatural figures, or sometimes even pets.

Book cover of Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver

“Attachment provides both a safe haven and a secure base for personal growth toward mature autonomy.” (Attachment in Adulthood, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

These Attachment Figures make it much easier for us to explore the world with the knowledge that, when that Boss kicks our ass, we have somewhere to recover and try again.

“The transformation of a romantic partner into an attachment figure is a gradual process that depends on the extent to which the person functions as (1) a target for proximity seeking; (2) a source of protection, comfort, support, and relief in times of need (safe haven); and (3) a secure base, encouraging the individual to pursue his or her goals in a safe relational context” (Dynamics of Romantic Love, by Mario Mikulincer and Gail S. Goodman)

Healing (Safe Haven)

Illustration of a temple
A Temple, a Safe Haven to recover some HP

The Camp, an Inn, or a Temple are usually the first stops after a tough fight. There’s nothing new for us to gain, but it is crucial to restore our HP and remove any debuffs before even thinking about what to do next.

That’s what a Safe Haven is, “a source of protection, comfort, support, and relief in times of need.” (Dynamics of Romantic Love, by Mario Mikulincer and Gail S. Goodman)

Dynamics of Romantic Love, by Mario Mikulincer and Gail S. Goodman

Inanimate objects, substances, and places can also serve as a Safe Haven, but they lack the Secure Base part of the equation that would encourage you to go out and explore. They can also sometimes become addictive or create dependency, which defeats the purpose of an Attachment Figure.

When you’re feeling down, upset or hurt, who do you go to that can bring you back on your feet? And once you recover, what’s your next step? After all, always staying in the safety of the Town makes you an NPC.

“The secure-base function becomes evident only after a safe haven has been provided by a responsive caregiver.” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

Get Items! (Secure Base)

8-bit image of a supermarket cashier
Want to see my wares?

Once you’ve recovered your HP and are free from the effects of poison or any other debuffs, you might want to start looking for ways to get over these new obstacles.

You can often find help from merchants, shops, blacksmiths, and anyone willing to sell/give you useful items. These are your Secure Bases, which will allow you to get back out there and complete your Quest.

IRL, these are often figures you see as ‘wiser’ and that have given you the tools to take on new challenges. Parents, teachers, doctors, and even some support groups or institutions can be included in this category.

“A secure base for exploration, (…) empowers secure people to explore (…) with confidence that support will be available if they come upon difficult, conflictual, or confounding material,” (Attachment Theory Expanded, by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver)

But wait! There’s more!

Not all those who have the power to heal and give us items count as Attachment Figures.

Book cover of Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

For Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, they also need to:

  • Be available: They can help you when you want to be helped, in the way you need to be helped. There’s no use for a potion to cure poison if you’re petrified, or a Revivify spell if you’ve been cursed (unless going to Valhalla and coming back removes the Curse).
  • Not interfere: Micromanaging and taking away power from the person in need defeats the purpose of a Secure Base for exploration. The game would be quite boring if the NPCs took care of ALL your enemies for you. That would also give you no XP.
  • Encourage: Do they make you feel like you will eventually be able to do it on your own? There’s a reason most NPCs look up to you, the Hero. What if any new Quest you found came with an “I don’t think you’ll be any good, but sure, give it a shot”? You’d probably feel like leaving to do something else.

This list is similar to Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver‘s other components of a security-enhancing attachment: Sensitivity, Mentalizing Stance, and Responsiveness.

Go and explore!

Whatever Quest you’re considering, make sure you have Attachment Figures ready to help you when things get difficult.

And even if they don’t meet all the requirements, some can act only as a Safe Haven or Secure Base depending on the context and your specific needs. So don’t discard them when you need help! Just know who to reach out to and when.

8-bit illustration of a fantasy cleric, wizard, fighter and barbarian orc
Who’re you gonna call? (Ghostbusters?)

Surround yourself with those who can support you on your Quests so that you can go out and explore with the confidence that, whatever happens, you’ll have somewhere to get the help you need to go back out, complete the Quest, and level up!

Want to know when the next blog post comes out? Subscribe to the newsletter and keep leveling up your dating life!

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QuestFinder – Level 1: Single Player Mode

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Living an amazing life sounds like a very tall order. And it is, if you’re looking at the top of the mountain from the comfort of your couch. But remember that you should always start playing the easiest level first (or the Tutorial!) to start getting closer to the top. One achievement at a time. One XP at a time. One Quest at a time.

So start small. Start slow. And build up from there.

Start with curiosity

Part of the reason choosing a Quest feels like trying to beat the BBEG (Big Bad Evil Guy/Gal) before you’ve left the first Town, is that we often look at the map upside down. We ask ourselves “What am I passionate about?” when, the truth is, if you’ve been sitting on the couch for long enough, you’re probably only ‘passionate’ about videogames and Netflix.

Steven Kotler suggests we start with curiosity, instead. So when you’re looking for potential Quests, don’t wonder if it’s something you’re passionate about. Look for Quests that spark an “I wonder if I could eventually enjoy this.” Notice that this is not a “will enjoy,” but rather a “could eventually enjoy.” Because the truth is, when you do something for the first time, you’ll probably suck. A lot. The key is to keep sucking at it long enough to not suck anymore.

And once you don’t suck anymore… well, that’s when the magic happens. That’s when you’ll start to really enjoy it. That’s when you learn that the Lonely Mountain where Smaug lives is reachable. That the Loot is just one hairy foot away. And, probably, where you’ll find Passion.

Play Solo

Yes, ultimately you want to go on Quests with a Party. But nobody likes a leech. And taking a Quest that you don’t enjoy is a recipe for disaster. Remember, this is about YOU creating YOUR great life and inviting others to join you. Depending on others to make your life interesting is needy (and leechy).

But there’s a caveat, called the “dependency paradox” in attachment theory literature: “It turns out that the ability to step into the world on our own often stems from the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on.” (Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller)

It’s ok (and normal) to depend on your Party (after all, that’s why you joined forces, right?). By knowing that the Healer has your back, the fighters can attack. By knowing that the Tank will keep all the enemies’ attention, Wizards can cast time-consuming spells. We all depend on each other. Dependency is why we’re in the same Party. What’s NOT ok is for your Character to stand back and watch  while the Barbarian has 1 HP left and three orcs chasing him. That’s a player that will get kicked out. Or PK’d. Or looted. Or all of the above.

So bring something to the table. Give people reasons to want to hang out with you. That is something only you can do. By creating your own attractive lifestyle first, you’ll be able to find others who will be the icing to your cake.

Get. Moving.

Find something you want to explore. Start with curiosity. And although the best choice is to get out of your house, there are many online alternatives to get you started slowly. Especially since covid.

And don’t wait until you “feel like it.” Because you probably won’t. It’s your own responsibility to beat the Procrastination Dragon. Just add it to your calendar and do it. You’ll probably “feel like it” after you get started.

Just as Bilbo was reluctant but left the Shire, you can do this as well. If you need a Gandalf to give you a push,  reach out to a friend to either join you or keep you accountable. And depending on your fandom, always remember to bring a towel, rope, or potatoes. Whatever works as long as you get moving.

Need some ideas? Get our get-off-your-“but” guide to help you unlock the first level of the QuestFinder Skill! Then, check out the next post in this series to add new members to your Party!

Useful Grimoires: