Date Like A Nerd

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Love

Tolkien meets Star Wars

by

the Nerd Love Story of Kaia and Celania

👀 Can your Tolkien hyperfixation get in the way of your Love at First Sight? Love at first sight is rare. But if it happened, what would you do? Would you talk to them or text them first? What if they don’t like you? What if you don’t know what to talk about? What if you have nothing in common? Or worse, what if you overwhelm them with your hyperfixation about Tolkien? There’s only one way to find out. 👇

In this episode, Kaia shares how she managed to date her now-fianceé… with a little help from her boss. 👨🏻‍💼 Because Kaia knew she wanted to marry Celania as soon as they met. But her social anxiety blocked her from a conversation in person or even via text! 😫

🧝‍♀️ One of Kaia’s fears was related to her passion for Tolkien’s work. The same hyperfixation that led her to become a Tolkien-centered content creator didn’t help her when relating to others. She knew she would often overshare information about the Lord of the Rings. Way more often (and longer) than most people enjoyed. 🥱

And she was right. However, she didn’t know Celania was into Star Wars and LEGO 🪐 Not LotR. Fantasy and sci-fi can be considered opposite fandoms. But they’re still close enough that they’ll understand each other better than most. Over time, however, they became interested in each other’s passions, which built more trust and security and strengthened their relationship.

🙅‍♀️ Sometimes, people won’t share your interests or humor. And that’s ok. But if you take small steps and test for their interest slowly, you might find someone who’ll want to spend their life with you 💍

🎧 Listen to this episode to find a partner who enjoys your hyperfixation! 💪

❤️ FREE GUIDE: 🎮
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Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:00:36 What Makes Kaia a Nerd
  • 00:02:15 Love at First Sight
  • 00:04:01 Fear of Rejection
  • 00:05:12 Info-Dumping
  • 00:05:59 Afraid to Text Your Crush
  • 00:10:07 Testing for Compatibility with Humor
  • 00:15:03 Forced First Date
  • 00:19:05 Disclosing Your Sexuality
  • 00:23:51 Signs of a Good Date
  • 00:24:59 Second Date
  • 00:26:27 Unprepared for Conversation
  • 00:28:47 Avoiding Info-Dumping
  • 00:36:15 Dealing with Opposing Fandoms
  • 00:40:18 Kaia’s Contacts

The TTRPG Group

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the Nerd Love Story of Frank and Mouse

🎲 TTRPG groups can help you make friends and even find your life partner. They’re also small enough that they shouldn’t cause too much anxiety. But the trick is not to limit your interaction with the other players only to game nights. Use the group to make friends outside the paper! 📝

Please help Frank and Mouse while she fights stage 4 cancer: https://gofund.me/f86c12bd

📚 Frank and Mouse became friends through their college’s TTRPG group. Unfortunately, she was engaged at the time, so Frank decided to respect that boundary. Many years later she invited him to spend the weekend at her place. They had stayed close friends, so Frank went down to meet her. That was when Mouse took the opportunity to tell him how she felt 🫣

🤝 Making friends through a shared hobby is a great way to grow your social network, even if that hobby only involves a handful of people. In fact, TTRPGs (and many board game nights) can make it easier if you’re afraid to meet large groups or if you’re dealing with social anxiety. The focus is never on having conversations, so you can simply focus on the game if you don’t feel like talking. 😶

⏳ With time, you’ll get to know all the other players. Because that’s where the magic happens: You join a few games, meet them with no character sheets or dice, have real interactions, and build friendships 🥰 Eventually, you might fall in love with a fellow player, one of their friends or family, or even one of their friends’ friends.

🎧 Listen to this episode before you roll for initiative! 🎲

Please help Frank and Mouse while she fights stage 4 cancer: https://gofund.me/f86c12bd

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:02:18 First Impressions
  • 00:04:26 The TTRPG Group
  • 00:06:43 Becoming Friends
  • 00:08:46 A Written Confession
  • 00:13:02 Seeing the Signs
  • 00:15:42 A History of Friendship
  • 00:17:54 Shared or Separate Hobbies
  • 00:20:47 Make Friends to Find a Relationship
  • 00:23:57 Have the Right Intentions
  • 00:26:13 Leave the Container
  • 00:30:07 Avoid Being a Creep
  • 00:34:35 Alternatives to Dating Apps
  • 00:37:50 Overcoming Social Anxiety
  • 00:43:03 Support Frank’s Wife’s Treatment

Please help Frank and Mouse while she fights stage 4 cancer: https://gofund.me/f86c12bd

Physical Escalation from Friends to Lovers

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the Nerd Love Story of Jose and Julian

What does a natural physical escalation look like? ✋ Physical touch varies from person to person, even within a shared culture. Some people see certain things as friendly that for others are way too intimate, or are only comfortable going slower or faster.

🥋 Julian met Jose’s brother learning Tae Kwon-Do. They started hanging out, and later invited Jose to join them. She didn’t think much of it until almost a year later, when they started spending a lot of time together. So much time, in fact, that her friends kept asking if something was going on. She even went on a trip and he was the first person she was texting every day! That’s when she realized that… she might like him 🤔

😱 After the realization set in, the fears showed up: what if it didn’t work and she lost both a partner and the friendship? Fortunately, she was quite sure he liked her back. They were both comfortable with physical touch with each other, which is not always the case.

🎧 If you’ve been wondering how fast is too fast, or if there’s a right or wrong way to break the physical barrier with someone, give this episode a listen!

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:00:56 Her Brother’s Friend
  • 00:04:02 Hanging Out 1-on-1
  • 00:07:40 Fears Around Liking Your Friend
  • 00:15:23 Leaving the Friend Zone
  • 00:19:58 Breaking the Touch Barrier
  • 00:25:41 Differences in Styles of Physical Touch
  • 00:33:49 Checking if They’re Comfortable
  • 00:37:07 Testing for Interest

💬 To practice your Conversation Skills with me every month for FREE, go to https://www.datelikeanerd.com/improv

Shy meets Socially Anxious, and Going Slow

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the Nerd Love Story of Steven and Christin

Do you need to go fast to “avoid the friendzone”? But what if you’re shy? And what if they’re socially anxious? Fast or slow depends on how comfortable both of you feel. Steven and Christin were close friends for several years before anything happened.

Do you need to go fast to “avoid the friendzone”? But what if you’re shy? And what if they’re socially anxious? Fast or slow depends on how comfortable both of you feel. Steven and Christin were close friends for several years before anything happened.

Sometimes the transition from friends to something more is quick and abrupt. Other times, it can take months or years of smooth and gradual change. 🧘‍♂️

🏘️ Even though they grew up in a small German village of 600 people, Steven only remembers becoming aware of Christin around his teenage years. But it wasn’t until many years later, when he left to study and came back to visit, that their deep friendship turned into a romantic relationship.

🎧 Listen to this story if you feel rushed by the common dating advice that gives you a specific number of dates before you end up in the “friend zone”!

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:00:26 Steven’s Hobbies
  • 00:01:32 Growing Up In a Small Village
  • 00:03:01 Are Your Hobbies A Turn-Off?
  • 00:05:20 Becoming Close Friends
  • 00:06:22 Changing Cities
  • 00:07:45 From Friends to Lovers
  • 00:11:52 Taking Your Time
  • 00:14:29 Shy, Introverts, and Social Anxiety
  • 00:16:38 Do Dating Tactics and Strategies Work?
  • 00:19:10 How Long Does It Take?
  • 00:22:31 Leveling Up Your True Self
  • 00:28:42 Be Confident and Know What You Want
  • 00:30:48 Steven’s Contact

To work with Steven and Christin, visit https://www.limitlessleap.com/

💬 To practice your Conversation Skills with me every month for FREE, go to https://www.datelikeanerd.com/improv

Text Confession Gone Wrong, No Proper Dates, and Critical Fails

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the Nerd Love Story of Lud and Mati

Is it a date or two friends hanging out? Do you need to clarify? Is it wrong to confess by text? What about asking to hold hands? These are some of the questions we explore in the story of Lud and Mati.

🧝‍♂️ After meeting as part of a nerd group within their local Tolkien Association, Mati decided to take Lud on a date. But… she didn’t know that it was a date! They spent months as friends, with him trying to know if she was interested, and her assuming that they were just friends.

🎲 With multiple critical fails in the middle, it took a common friend to bridge the gap between them.

🎧 Listen to this story and realize that, sometimes, even with many Natural 1s, you can still beat the game. 👾

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Game Start
  • 00:01:43 Finding Nerd Friends
  • 00:04:17 First Meet at a Tolkien Bar
  • 00:06:42 Friends or date? Unclear!
  • 00:08:47 Building Relationships
  • 00:10:28 Critical Fail on a Physical Touch Check
  • 00:11:53 Not a “Proper Date”
  • 00:13:55 Second not-Date
  • 00:15:57 Indirect Confession
  • 00:18:54 Failed Confession via Text
  • 00:22:01 Do you like your friend?
  • 00:25:19 Asking to Hold Hands
  • 00:26:43 Confessing vs. Escalating
  • 00:31:38 Advice for Single Nerds
  • 00:33:54 The Power of Friendship

Rejected, Friendzoned, and Not Reading the Signals

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the Nerd Love Story of Vir and Diego

Many have been rejected and friendzoned, but it’s not often that we would do it to someone who did it to us. And yet, this is what happened to Vir.

🎲 In her story, they both rolled a Nat 1 on their perception and charisma checks: Their attraction didn’t align, and they couldn’t read the signs. So they had to be explicit and confess liking each other… Three times! 😱

If you’ve wondered why someone doesn’t realize that you like them, you think you’re bad at “taking hints,” or you think that the friendzone lasts forever (and that a rejection will bring your HP to 0), you should listen to this story!

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:02:17 Meeting at work
  • 00:04:47 Asking to hang out
  • 00:07:20 Missing the Signals
  • 00:11:36 Confessing
  • 00:14:18 Getting Rejected and Friendzoned
  • 00:20:14 Another Confession, Rejection, and Friend Zone
  • 00:24:09 Confessing Verbally vs. Escalating Physically
  • 00:27:57 Third Confession
  • 00:31:52 Advice: Don’t Expect Signals, and be Clear