Date Like A Nerd

Unlock Your Player 2!

Life

QuestFinder – Level 3: 2-Player Mode

by

“Attractive men were not in plentiful supply in Lancre, where licking your hand and smoothing your hair down before taking a girl out was considered swanky.”

Carpe Jugulum, Terry Pratchett

Now that you’ve learned to play Solo and have been joining some Parties, you’ve unlocked the Skill to find the Arwen to your Aragorn. The Sam to your Frodo. The Gollum to your Sméagol.

PvP vs 2-P Co-Op

During your Quests you’ve probably come across players you’d like to play with in a more… intimate setting. So the question on the back of your mind might be “Do they want to play with me?” But before you even go there, you should ask yourself whether you’re playing a Player-vs-Player or a 2-Player Co-Op (Cooperative) game.

If, like me, you want a Player 2 instead of an enemy or the BBEG, you might want to go for the Co-Op version. Seeing others as rivals (PvP), you might assume each of you wants different things, and that you have to “convince,” “trick,” or “beat” them to get what you want. Keep in mind that the Charm Person spell has a limited duration… and charmed characters are quite boring to interact with, anyway. So why not find someone looking for another player to form a Party with, and who’s also wondering if you’d be a good addition to their Campaign?

This doesn’t mean being naïve and assuming everyone has the same intentions as yours, but it does mean at least trying to find out if they do. Without playing games and trying to trick anybody. Especially if you’re a dwarf, “a race to whom the aforesaid art of seduction consisted in the main part of tactfully finding out what sex, underneath all that leather and chain-mail, another dwarf was.” (Terry Pratchett)

That’s where being vulnerable, clear, and honest is critical. Regardless of how much beard you have.

Rejection Immunity

“If you aren’t attached to outcomes, rejection doesn’t hurt.” (Robert Glover)

Unlike asking groups to join a Raid (a multi-player Quest), inviting a single player on a 2-Player Quest is a much more vulnerable act. It can force them to give you a direct answer, which can make you feel rejected if they decline. But that’s ok. What you’re actually looking for is an answer, not an outcome. If you’ve mastered QuestFinder Level 1 and Level 2, this next step will be much easier.

The Life you gained in Level 1 will keep your mind from obsessing about results. Guard that Life as if your… life depended on it. The players you’ve met in Level 2 can act as your secure base from which to explore. Return to them often in both good and bad times. If you’re turned down, you’ll have enough things to do and people to help you recharge your HP.

“If you try to have a romantic relationship meet your needs for healing, it is not going to work. You need a support system to ground you so that you can make choices out of strength, not weakness or dependency. Dating was never meant to cure aloneness.” (Henry Cloud and John Townsend)

If you’re busy and supported enough, it’ll also be easier for you to detach from any outcome. Not expecting any result means you won’t feel like you failed, because you weren’t expecting anything.  In fact, often the response has nothing to do with you. “Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don’t take it personally.”  (Don Miguel Ruiz)

Just make the goal to ask. If you ask, give yourself some XP on the QuestFinder Level 3 Skill. No matter what the answer is.

Everyone’s an NPC (until proven otherwise)

How attached are you to how NPCs respond when you “Talk” to them? Probably not very much. Unless they’re a certain drow with two scimitars who can kick any enemy’s ass but won’t join your Party regardless of the dialog option you choose. Yes. I’ve tried.

So, you’ve likely spent hours approaching countless NPCs (and some may have approached you). Most often you probably got a single line of dialogue as a response. Sometimes you received a really interesting Quest that resulted in great Loot. Seldom you got amazing new Party members. And other times you found new enemies to get XP from. But I doubt you felt particularly disheartened about any one particular interaction.

So take the same approach. Treat everyone as an NPC until they’ve earned a place in your life. When you reach a new map for the first time (a class, meeting, or any activity), talk to at least a few new NPCs. The only difference is that, in this case, you might be the one inviting them to join you on a Quest. If you want to.

This is Robert Glover’s idea of testing for interest: You know what you want to do. All you want to ask is if they’d like to join you (on a Quest you’d go on anyway, even if it means playing Solo).  Whether they do or don’t join your Party, you’ve found your answer.

“A [person] either has high interest in you or [they have] low interest. It isn’t personal either way. Don’t try and figure out why.” (Robert Glover)

Don’t Skip Dungeon Levels

You met someone, liked their weapons, armor, and skin, but know nothing about them. And vice versa. Neither of you can know if the other is a good player to party with until you see each other in action.

Are you sure they’re a good match for your playing style and your Character? Do they really want to venture into some unknown dungeon with someone who might have no skills that can complement their Character?

That’s why they may be more willing to join you on a short Quest to gather some berries rather than slaying a black dragon. And you’ll at least start to get an idea of who they are.

So just start small. Come up with something simple you both might enjoy. Test for interest. See if they’re receptive, neutral or unreceptive to spending more time with you. It’s the same as QuestFinder Level 1, but instead of Quests you’re using it to find Players. If you start from curiosity instead of jumping straight to the Main Quest, you’ll be able to tell if they’re someone you want to keep around or not. And they’ll do the same with you.

Keep it simple. Keep it small.

Try Again Later

Some NPCs reactions to you depend on external triggers. Some of those triggers are under your control. Some are not.

You may have to finish a different Quest first, like looking the part or at least taking a shower. Or maybe it’s a time-sensitive event (you’re either too early or too late). Perhaps you chose the wrong dialogue line. Or your Party is made up of the wrong members. Or Mercury is in retrograde and the Moon is in Aquarius, whatever that means. Unfortunately, in most cases, you’ll never know. And that’s ok.

“When we dare greatly we will err and we will come up short again and again. There will be failures and mistakes and criticism. If we want to be able to move through the difficult disappointments, the hurt feelings, and the heartbreaks that are inevitable in a fully lived life, we can’t equate defeat with being unworthy of love, belonging, and joy. If we do, we’ll never show up and try again.” (Brené Brown)

Unless they’ve clearly said “Never,” you can keep politely inviting them to join you on other Quests. Without resentment or attachment to outcome. Until you’ve decided that you’ve had enough or they’ve said yes. By the same token, them saying “Yes” today doesn’t mean they’re bound to agree again later, and they’re also free to cancel. When to give up trying is up to you.

And if they agreed to join you on one specific Quest, that’s what they said “Yes” to. Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t look into it. Don’t overthink it. Don’t expect them to go dragon-slaying with you just because it’s on the way to picking some berries. If they do, great. But they agreed to berry-picking. So expect to go berry-picking.

Now go out, live your life adventuring solo, go on Raids with your group, and invite someone to pair up with you. Give them the chance to say Yes.

Are you ready to venture on 2-Player Quests? Need a little help finding Players to join you? Check out this Walkthrough made just for you!

Useful Grimoires:

QuestFinder – Level 1: Single Player Mode

by

Living an amazing life sounds like a very tall order. And it is, if you’re looking at the top of the mountain from the comfort of your couch. But remember that you should always start playing the easiest level first (or the Tutorial!) to start getting closer to the top. One achievement at a time. One XP at a time. One Quest at a time.

So start small. Start slow. And build up from there.

Start with curiosity

Part of the reason choosing a Quest feels like trying to beat the BBEG (Big Bad Evil Guy/Gal) before you’ve left the first Town, is that we often look at the map upside down. We ask ourselves “What am I passionate about?” when, the truth is, if you’ve been sitting on the couch for long enough, you’re probably only ‘passionate’ about videogames and Netflix.

Steven Kotler suggests we start with curiosity, instead. So when you’re looking for potential Quests, don’t wonder if it’s something you’re passionate about. Look for Quests that spark an “I wonder if I could eventually enjoy this.” Notice that this is not a “will enjoy,” but rather a “could eventually enjoy.” Because the truth is, when you do something for the first time, you’ll probably suck. A lot. The key is to keep sucking at it long enough to not suck anymore.

And once you don’t suck anymore… well, that’s when the magic happens. That’s when you’ll start to really enjoy it. That’s when you learn that the Lonely Mountain where Smaug lives is reachable. That the Loot is just one hairy foot away. And, probably, where you’ll find Passion.

Play Solo

Yes, ultimately you want to go on Quests with a Party. But nobody likes a leech. And taking a Quest that you don’t enjoy is a recipe for disaster. Remember, this is about YOU creating YOUR great life and inviting others to join you. Depending on others to make your life interesting is needy (and leechy).

But there’s a caveat, called the “dependency paradox” in attachment theory literature: “It turns out that the ability to step into the world on our own often stems from the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on.” (Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller)

It’s ok (and normal) to depend on your Party (after all, that’s why you joined forces, right?). By knowing that the Healer has your back, the fighters can attack. By knowing that the Tank will keep all the enemies’ attention, Wizards can cast time-consuming spells. We all depend on each other. Dependency is why we’re in the same Party. What’s NOT ok is for your Character to stand back and watch  while the Barbarian has 1 HP left and three orcs chasing him. That’s a player that will get kicked out. Or PK’d. Or looted. Or all of the above.

So bring something to the table. Give people reasons to want to hang out with you. That is something only you can do. By creating your own attractive lifestyle first, you’ll be able to find others who will be the icing to your cake.

Get. Moving.

Find something you want to explore. Start with curiosity. And although the best choice is to get out of your house, there are many online alternatives to get you started slowly. Especially since covid.

And don’t wait until you “feel like it.” Because you probably won’t. It’s your own responsibility to beat the Procrastination Dragon. Just add it to your calendar and do it. You’ll probably “feel like it” after you get started.

Just as Bilbo was reluctant but left the Shire, you can do this as well. If you need a Gandalf to give you a push,  reach out to a friend to either join you or keep you accountable. And depending on your fandom, always remember to bring a towel, rope, or potatoes. Whatever works as long as you get moving.

Need some ideas? Get our get-off-your-“but” guide to help you unlock the first level of the QuestFinder Skill! Then, check out the next post in this series to add new members to your Party!

Useful Grimoires:

QuestFinder: Introduction (Don’t Be An NPC)

by

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.” 

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Bilbo used to live a tranquil (single) (boring) (dull) life, which he thought he was happy with (more like “content,” probably). One day, a grumpy old man with a stick came by and took it all away. Bilbo was then taken on a Quest (not quite against his will, but… almost). A Quest that turned his life around both financially and spiritually (if you want to add “romantically,” you’ll have to look at Sam Gamgee marrying Rose Cotton in the sequel).

Leaving the Shire turned Bilbo into a new ma… halfling. He discovered he was capable of much more than he thought. He made great (and not so great) acquaintances. Sort of. Ish. I think. 1“I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.” Bilbo, The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien And he got more gold than he could ever use after the dragon was slain.

Why leave the couch?

If you have no interest in the Dragon’s Hoard, that’s ok. This site is probably not for you. But if you do want the Loot (whatever you consider Loot), you have to level up your life.

The Motivation Manifesto, by Brendon Burchard

You can say it any way you want: Mark Manson‘s First Fundamental is Honest Living, or “Creating an Attractive Lifestyle.” Robert Glover calls it “Making a Great Cake of a Life” (everything else is the icing on top). Harris O’Malley says that “an interesting lifestyle is a key component to attraction.”

And if you want to get philosophical, “the great miseries of life come when too many days stack up where we are conforming and posing while doing things we have no passion for.” (Brendon Burchard)

The point is, if you’re unhappy with anything in your life, you should go on a Quest. Period. Want to stop being single? Quest. You don’t like the people around you? Quest. You’re out of shape? Quest. Your Constitution is low and you can’t even reach your phone? Quest. Out of chips? Quest. You don’t believe me and want to prove me wrong? Quest!

+1 Life

Regardless of whether you’re playing solo or with a party (a.k.a. partner/s, family, friends, etc), you need to go on Quests. If not for you, then for everyone else around you. It’s part of what some people call “getting a Life.” Not in the sense that you can respawn if you lose all your HP, but in that it will turn you into a high-level character. And we all know it’s much more fun being a high-level character than a n00b.

Level Up Your Life, by Steve Kamb

High-level characters have all the cool stuff because they go on Quests. Because “there are always side quests that help you earn experience points, discover new locations, find new items, craft new armor, level up certain attributes, and so on.”  (Steve Kamb) This often means they’re surrounded by all the other cool characters who also go on quests, grind, and get loot.

Remember that the point of the game is to go out and explore. Characters are called Adventurers because they go on adventures. Their comfort zone is being outside their comfort zone. Those who stick to one area of the map and repeat the same lines over and over again are called NPCs. Don’t be an NPC.

Leave the Shire

Going on Quests means getting out of your comfort zone. It doesn’t mean only doing things you don’t enjoy, though. In fact, quite the opposite.

A wizard with a staff with a knob on the end.

As you level up your QuestFinder Skill, you’ll be able to find the right Quests for you: You don’t have to go to bars if you don’t want to; You don’t have to join a sports team; You don’t have to sing karaoke every night in front of a bunch of drunk strangers. But you do have to change what you’re doing. One step at a time. Even if it’s just a slow, tiny, little step with a big hairy foot.

So don’t wait for a Gandalf to show up and send you on a journey. Be your own ‘annoying old man with a stick.’ It’ll be worth it.

Check out the next post to start leveling up your QuestFinder Skill!

LEVEL 1

Useful Grimoires: